hating cancer is making me yearn more for heaven

We are now a month into the fight for our daughters life. Sadly to say, I don’t know if I have ever really felt the sting of cancer until now. I have been naive and way too comfortable, well, not any more! I have been thinking through some of the depths of this new perspective’s impact on my life and I have come to a conclusion, I HATE CANCER, I REALLY, REALLY HATE IT! A-LOT!!!

However, this hatred has been stirring other passions, healthy ones, in me that may have been a little calloused or just lagging behind where they should be. So, I am going to attempt to write a series of posts that detail some of these shifts, which hopefully will transform to become part of the fiber of my faith. I am also being fed through various songs of worship these days, so I plan to let you in on my times with God by connecting the Scripture, to songs of worship, and then to my prayers…

My hatred of cancer is creating within me a deeper yearning for heaven. We have been dropped into the midst of pain, we are surrounded by it tonight. We are wrestling with our own pain, the pain of the poor girl 3 feet away in another bed, and the agony of room after room on this floor. It is easy to get caught in a trap of despair when you have lived in this environment for almost 4 whole weeks, day after day, night after night.

However, there is coming a day, and the hope of that day brings hope into my present situation so I now echo the lyrics from this verse:

In this life I will stand
Through my joy and my pain
Knowing there’s a greater day
There’s a hope that never fails

Revelation 21:3And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. 4He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

So my prayer is ‘God, give me a glimpse of that day, fill me with the hope of heaven! Let me remember that you make all things new, and suffering will one day be abolished. Also, help me to trust you in the midst of sorrow, and be drawn close to  you, experiencing you more intimately and loving you more passionately. I yearn to see you face to face!’

(just the audio version)


14 thoughts on “hating cancer is making me yearn more for heaven

  1. Keep posting the prayer requests.

    I pray.

    Others pray.

    God hears.

    Kate’s journey – your journey is not alone… and though you don’t know many of us, we are standing with you in faith because we understand and hold to the faithfulness of our God. He is above all else loving and in this I believe you’ll know his goodness and faithfulness in a much more significant way.

    I hate cancer. I hate what it does.
    I’m praying for Kate and for your family.
    Kelly Green

  2. Great post-your faith and authenticity are an inspiration to so many. Our family has been praying for Kate for a few weeks now. I had thyroid cancer when I was a teenager. I remember the feeling so vividly of being normal one day and then being in the hospital and very sick the next. Praying for you in Wichita, Kansas today.

  3. There is something to be said about the act of worship as a frontline defense in the face of overwhelming circumstances. Confronted by what seemed to be a certain defeat Jehoshaphat sought the Lord through prayer and fasting (A.W. Tozer said worship was the active attempt of the heart to draw closer to that which it adores). With the enemy closing in on every side, the Lord gave Jehoshaphat the pomise of victory.
    Marching up to face the attack, Jehoshaphat laid down the path with worship appointing men to go before the army proclaiming, “Praise the Lord, For His mercies endures forever.” (2 Chron 20)
    You wrote these words yourself – “In the stillness I can feel you. Blowing in like gentle rain. In your presence I’m renewed now, and I’ll never be the same.”
    You are not the same. And now, because of the determination to remain infected by God and His faithful promises, so many people with not remain the same either! I am already imagining the day that you and your family stand on the stage of a church while people come and turn their lives over to God because of the impact of your story, your faith and our God!

  4. I am so praying for complete healing for sweet Kate and I continue to pray for strength for all of you.

    Glory to God!!
    Renea (SC)

  5. Hey dude! We’ve never met, but we are praying for you guys like crazy. I am Jason & Jennie Austin’s pastor. Our church is shouting to heaven for you guys daily. Your faith through such a difficult time inspires me!!

  6. i read your post and thought of the song “there will be a day” by jeremy camp, based on the revelation 21:4 & 5. i am praying for all of you and have been for a while.

  7. Thank you so much for pouring out your heart and being transparent! You and your family are a source of HOPE for the families and staff at the hospital…for some the only Jesus they will ever see. They can have HOPE that the God of the Universe is weeping with them and has open arms waiting to comfort them. I pray that your faith will continue to help people all over the world to long for a deeper relationship with Jesus and to know that heaven is our real home. I’m praying with you for your precious baby girl and rejoicing because her life is bringing others to Jesus!

    “Everything else is worthless compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all garbage, so that I could gain Christ and become one with Him…I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised Him from the dead. I want to suffer with Him, share in His death… ” Philippians 3:8-10

  8. I have been following Kate’s CB site since the first day and just learned of this blog on today’s update. I have read most of your entries focusing more on the ones since Kate’s diagnosis. I so appreciate you sharing your thoughts today. I would think living the life you are right now–in a ped. oncology unit would get very stressful, but, your faith and love for Jesus Christ is helping you get through this. I had no idea you were a minister until I read this blog. However, I did have a strong suspicion maybe you were. Your love for Him shines through even in this difficult time. I continue to pray for Kate and your entire family as you trudge through this undesired journey, but, as I told a friend of mine who went through much of the same thing….you will make it through because you have Him carrying you every step of the way. What do people without Jesus in their lives make it through the tough times? Praying you have a restful night.

    God Bless,

    COLE’S Prayer Team

  9. I don’t know if you will have heard a song called ‘There is a Day’ by a band called ‘Phatfish’.

    It’s a song that got me through some tough times.

    Thank you for being so open and honest with us about what you are feeling, what you are learning in this place where I don’t think any of us want you to be in.

    I hate cancer too.

    I yearn for a world where there is no pain and suffering, no terminal illnesses.

    One day we’ll be in a world like that, but for now, I will keep praying for your little girl and you, your wife and the rest of your family.

    May you be blessed with comfort, peace, courage and strength in all circumstances.

  10. hello. i am a pediatric oncology nurse in atlanta, and i take care of precious little ones like your kate. i hate cancer, too. but, like you, i also love the Lord and trust in Him, all the while longing for the day to come when this world will be restored to the way that He intended it from the beginning. what joy there will be when that day comes and precious little ones don’t have to suffer anymore! praying healing for your kate!


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